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How to Survive a Zombie Attack

“Braaaaaaains.”

- Zombie

Breaking news of a zombie infestation has just hit your airwaves. Panic sets in as you and yours scramble for supplies, build safehouses and mercilessly slaughter the undead. Sure you’ve seen Dawn of the Dead a million times, memorized every token line from Dead Alive, and fornicated while watching Night of the Living Dead, but do you really know what you’d do if zombies started staggering around taking bite sized chunks out of everything with a pulse? Follow this guide to ensure the survival of the human race.

Flare Gun

This is probably one of the most important tools you’ll need. Good for distracting hordes, signaling to rescue teams, and blowing up gas stations. Ammo is limited on these bad boys so use them wisely.

Hand Powered Radio

How are you expecting to rally with the survivors at the extraction point if you can’t figure out where it is? Broadcasts will be sent out over the AM/FM radio waves directing survivors to safe zones. Batteries are not an option, so either hand-crank powered or solar powered radios will work.

Army Rations

Easy. Go down to the Army/Navy surplus store and grab a gross of these dehydrated military rations. They don’t taste like much, but they’ll keep you on your feet. I would imagine if you ate enough of these you’d sweat so much sodium the zombies would ask for a glass of water while eating you.

The Shotgun

Arguably one of the most effective weapons against zombie hordes, especially at close range, is the standard shotgun. Available in both single and double barrels of a variety of sizes and strengths, these ‘boomsticks’ deal the most damage at close range. Shells will be hard to come by so take as many as you can carry!

The Pistol

How are you supposed to palm the butt of the dame you’re rescuing with 2 hands wrapped around your shotty all the time. You need the pistol. Whether you’re busy lighting a smoke, throwing a homemade Molotov cocktail, or just plain copping a feel, the pistol keeps the blood spilling. Be sure to grab a Deset Eagle .50 for ten inch wide exit wounds.

The Chainsaw

If this baby can cut oak trees down, just imagine what it will do to softening, rotting tissue. Decapitations like a hot knife through butter are all yours. Just don’t be an idiot and steal an electric one.

With any luck, you’ll slaughter your way to survival and the human race will live on.

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Bong Cat

The Bong Cat does not like.

Some brain-dead ‘lolcat’ fanatic has taken it a little too far. 20-year-old Acea Schomaker has created a bong that houses his kitten. The Nebraska deputies did not take kindly to smoking marijuana out of the bong while the cat was still inside. Here’s the full article after the jump.

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President Obama’s Address to Congress

President Obama addresses the nation before a joint session of Congress. In his speech focusing on the economy and the promotion of his economic agenda.

Vivace Underwater Renewable Energy

Marine renewable energy is a new form of readily available energy. The basic principal is to use the ‘motion of the ocean’ to generate electricity by moving underwater rods. These rods create a vortex of energy that will soon be able to replace conventional energy sources.

“For the past 25 years, engineers—myself included—have been trying to suppress vortex induced vibrations. But now at Michigan we’re doing the opposite. We enhance the vibrations and harness this powerful and destructive force in nature,” said VIVACE developer Michael Bernitsas, a professor in the U-M Department of Naval Architecture and Marine Engineering.

Just a few cylinders could possibly power an anchored ship or a lighthouse. An array of VIVACE cylinders about the size of a running track could produce energy at 5.5 cents per kilowatt hour and power about 100,000 houses. U of M is now working on possibly deploying a pilot project in the Detroit River within the next 18 months. [UMich via Gizmag] [Gizmodo]

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Cube Car

Nissan Motor Co. has announced the domestic Japanese launch of the new generation Cube, which will be displayed at the upcoming Tokyo Motor Show (Commercial Vehicles). The first-generation model, released in 1998 created a new ‘tall wagon’ genre in the small car market and recorded sales of approximately 400,000 units.

Developed around the product concept of a “magical box,” the second-generation Cube provides interior spaciousness and convenient storage features which enable the car to serve as the driver’s personal ‘toolbox.’

The exterior design of the Cube was executed with the aim of creating a “new cubic design,” and draws on themes proposed in the Nissan Chappo concept first shown at the 2001 Geneva Motor Show. The goal was to create the best box form among the next generation of roomy compact cars in this class.

The design team’s four key themes of “relaxing, compact and agile” are embodied in the design. They sought a design with clear originality, functionality that provides “joy of use, and loyalty-inspiring appeal”. [jump to Car Design News]

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Create your own Google Adsense Network

Image via CrunchBase

After being banned from Google Adsense a few times while learning the ropes of SEO (and slipping through a few) I decided I wanted to learn more about 3 things.

1. Why was I banned?
2. What detected the violation?
3. What can I do to get around this?

So I began learning about CPM, CTR and ROI, investigating other PPC programs like Adbrite, and researching the path a popular piece of original content took on its way to “viral” status. I’ve developed a few theories on the subject however these are not what this article is about. This is about starting your own PPC ad network and taking Google out of the equation.

So here are the steps on how to create a mini-Google Adsense with Open Source Software and $100.00 in overhead.

What you’ll need:

• Dedicated Server: 3 months ($89.00) Server Pronto
• Domain Name 1 year (9.99) Godaddy
• OpenX
• Linux, Apache, PHP5, MYSQL (free) Gentoo Linux

Steps

1. Buy your server. I wouldn’t recommend buying more than 3 months to begin with unless you can really afford it. Its easy to extend your contract and if you’ve got backups of your site you can ditch your company for a cheaper one anytime you want. The great thing about Linux based hosts is that you have total control over your system, security, and backups. Moving to a new host is as easy as dumping the database and SCP’ing the files. Server Pronto has a great deal for 3 months with a price tag of $89.00. They also support Linux.
2. Head over to your favorite domain registrar and grab a catchy name. GoDaddy always has specials for 9-14 dollars for the first year. Try and get something that will appeal to your audience of advertisers. A silly Web 2.0 name like SpanDingle.com is not going to work. I didn’t Google that so SpanDingle.com might be available…but anyways…
3. Get OpenX AdServer. This is the real meat and potatoes of the tutorial. OpenX is an ad server that allows you to specify campaign profiles and assign them to your different sales managers and agents. Your stats are fully tracked and emailed to the right person on a weekly basis. You can set your own cost per impression and determine a fair CPM/CPC rate for your advertisers. Pair the stats with a Google Analytics account and you’ll have everything you need to invoice your clients at the end of the month.
4. OpenX is designed to run in an LAMP environment. There is no overhead for this open source software. The only overhead is the learning curve, which varies from distribution to distribution. I use Gentoo for all of my servers for its security, tight documentation and active developer base. Linux, if configured correctly, will get you much more life out of your server’s hardware, and cut costs on monthly overhead.

Now for the hard part: Selling the ads. You’re going to need to do 2 things. First, you need places to show your ads. Contact medium-traffic websites within your market and ask them if they’d like free advertising on the web. Tell them you’re starting a “Ads by Google” system (people will recognize this more than ‘Adsense’) and you’re GIVING away impressions to anyone who wishes to show a few text links on their own site. You can assure them that their direct competition will not be advertising on their site by sectioning your campaigns into inter-market niches. For example: if you’re targeting the Gardening industry, sell your soil and mulch campaigns to the hardware stores, and the hardware stores to the materials suppliers, and so on. Every advertiser is a potential publisher and vice versa.

Well, thats all for now. Has anyone else tried this before? Am I crazy?

Edit:

At request, here are some OpenX Screenshots.

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bennydacks: http://twitpic.com/1mdhk street popup fail

bennydacks: street popup fail

bennydacks: http://twitpic.com/1mcv8 the habit burger

bennydacks: the habit burger

The Pirate Bay Trial Begins, Pirates 1, Prosecution 0

Image via Wikipedia

The most important day in file sharing history has taken place. Remember the first time you downloaded an Mp3? How about the first time you used Napster or Limewire?

In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past 10 years, you’ll have heard the stories of silicon swashbucklers and rampaging record companies. Perhaps the largest contributor to the pirate software scene is The Pirate Bay. Hosted in Sweden, this website tracks and indexes BitTorrent files (.torrent) for almost every flavor of data. You can find movies, games, albums, programs, and pretty much anything else of digital value all for free. Most of the sites content is uploaded by its 3.4 million user base.

Of course, this cant last forever.

The Swedish Government has been after TPB for years. After a raid in 2006 and 3 days of downtime, officials pushed to bring TPB to court for their blatant disregard for copyright law. The trial began Feb 16th, 2009.

Prosecutor Håkan Roswall read out the charges that can be best summarized as “commercial copyright infringement”. The plaintiffs are Warner Bros, MGM, EMI, Colombia Pictures, 20th Century Fox, Sony BMG and Universal. Lundström’s lawyer pointed out that the prosecutor may have drawn up some charges incorrectly. Interestingly, Lundström is the only one of the defendants with two lawyers, one of which is a copyright expert. – TorrentFreak

It was apparent that the prosecution had made an error in judgment when choosing their  ‘Computer Expert’. A live audio broadcast revealed the frantic clicking of their witness fumbling to get his PowerPoint presentation to display. He was later asked to “stick to the papers”. Unable to define the difference between Megabits and Megabytes, an EPIC FAIL sticker was quickly slapped on the prosecution’s case.

After the Second day, it had become apparent that the prosecution had clearly not done their research. According to TorrentFreak, at least half of the charges were dropped, sighting that the TPB did not host any copywritten materials, but only the .torrent files tracking them. It seems as if the court has realized that this site is a Torrent search engine, and not a distributor of pirated software. It is anticipated that the prosecution will fall flat on its face.

You can read more about the trial at http://trial.thepiratebay.org/ and http://torrentfreak.com/

Information is free.

LONG LIVE THE PIRATE BAY.

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